Getting custody of kids after divorce

Japan Today

Terrie Lloyd

October 11, 2004

Source: http://www.japantoday.com/e/?content=comment&id=657

Recently, the Mainichi Daily News reported in its Wai-wai column that famed Okinawan singer Namie Amuro is worried about losing her custodial rights over her 5-year-old son, Haruto, after rumors that Amuro's ex-husband would remarry.

Until now, the divorced couple have lived in the same building, albeit on separate floors, so that Haruto could spend a week with one parent and a week with the other. But now that Amuro has to travel to Taiwan and elsewhere overseas as part of her comeback efforts, and dad has a new partner, the courts may well decide that he is better suited to have custody of her son than she is.

The case highlights a common problem for divorced couples in Japan — who gets the kids. Japan has no concept of shared custody of children, and the court and society usually try to pin the blame for the divorce on one of the parents. Whichever parent that is — in 90% of cases, it's the dad — then that person is supposed to accept the blame and quietly (politely) disappear, never to contact the kids or to otherwise remind them of the pain they caused.

This attitude of blame and guilt is deeply embedded in both the legal system and the thinking of child psychologists, both of which believe that a "stable" step-parent relationship is eminently more preferrable than a "mixed-up" one where two separated biological parents are seeing the child.

Indeed, child psychologists in Japan suggest that the non-primary care giver should actually stay away from the child/children for at least a year after a divorce in order to give the children some emotional foundation to recover from the shock of a divorce. Talk about a 180 degree difference of expert opinion to the West.

Bad luck then if you happen to be a foreigner treading the minefield of divorce in Japan — something which is becoming increasingly likely to happen. According to the Ministry of Health, in 2001 there were nearly 40,000 international marriages and 13,000 mixed-nationality divorces.

Many of these involved kids and in the most part, the Japanese partner got to keep the children, sometimes even as the foreign ex-spouse was being kicked out of the country for not having a valid visa any longer. There have been some real horror stories, including cases of a Japanese spouse swiping the partner's "hanko" (seal) and submitting the divorce papers at the city office even without the foreign partner knowing — until it's too late.

Of course, it's not a one-sided story, and there are numerous breakups which can be attributed to the over generous libido or rigidity of the foreign partner, as well.

Amazingly, though, Japan is one of the few developed countries which has not signed the 1980 Hague Convention covering the return of abducted children to the rightful custody of an overseas parent. According to the U.S. State Department, Japan ranks second, behind Mexico, for the number of U.S. child abductions by a foreign ex-spouse.

Once the fleeing parent is back within the safe borders of Japan, they disappear. And the Japanese police make no effort to help in finding them and returning the children. Why? Because quite simply, it is not against Japanese law for a Japanese parent to move a child with Japanese citizenship to a new location, even though it may be from the lawful custody of a foreign citizen. So of course the Japanese police have no reason to engage in pursuit.

The only answer to Amuro's dilemma, and for many Japanese dads and foreign spouses is for Japan's thinking to change about what happens to a children psychologically during a divorce. Once the "experts" start to agree that equal and enforceable access by both biological parents is actually not a bad thing, and that children the world over are coping reasonably well under the undeniable pressures of divorce, then the courts will follow suit — and divorcing won't necessarily mean the end of life as you knew it.

In closing this little rant, we here at Japan Inc are planning to produce a report on international divorce and the fall-out — particularly as regards to children and rights of continued abode by the foreign spouse in Japan.

If you have personally been through an international (Japanese-non-Japanese) divorce and would like to share thoughts and lessons learned, even anonymously, please contact us here at editors [ AT ) terrie.com. The idea is to share your knowledge to help others.

Terrie Lloyd is the founder of DaiJob, Inc. He also writes a weekly newsletter for entrepreneurs and business people about business and political opportunities in Japan. You can find the newsletter at www.terrie.com For further contact with Terrie, email him at terrie.lloyd [ AT ) daijob.com.

END