We were supposed to leave Japan last summer and settle in my home country. But 5 weeks before we were to leave, my spouse told me that she wanted to end our marriage instead. I am returning to Japan with the wish to settle things with my wife but she will not see me and will not let me see my daughter. Her and her mother are turning nasty. What should I do?

Answer #1

Also, you should contact your Embassy in Japan and ask the same question. They may be able to offer additional advice. See if the crc website has a section specifically on your country.

http://www.crnjapan.com/foreign_law/en/

Next you should see our Prevention checklist. Some of the things may still be useful to you even at this stage.

http://www.crnjapan.com/prevention/en/afraid.html

I strongly suggest submitting the anti-divorce document as soon as you can, so that you do not lose your rights of being married. You should probably submit the ant-adoption document at the same time just to stay in the habit of submitting them both every 6 months.

http://www.crnjapan.com/forms/en/

This will require you get copies of the Family Registration koseki first, but hopefully you have that already. If not, she is not likely to help you, so you may need a Japanese lawyer to get that the first time. (Or if your Japanese is good, people at the local government office may be able to help.)

Finally, get a Japanese lawyer. Unfortunately, we do not have a lot of good experiences with lawyers. But there is one person in Osaka who has put their lawyer on the Recommended List. You might try contacting that Osaka lawyer listed on this page.

http://www.crnjapan.com/lawyers/en/

Oh, and if your Japanese is good enough, you may want to talk to some Japanese parents here, who have similar problems.

http://www.fatherswebsite.com

Question #2

My spouse, who ran back to Japan with our child, just sent me a divorce form and wants me to fill it in. What should I do? She still has our child. I don't have a copy of our koseki yet, so I cannot submit the anti-divorce form. Should I just ask her to send me a copy of the koseki?

Answer #2

Personally, I would not ask her directly. I would just say your lawyer is looking at the divorce form and stall her. Not being divorced is your only leverage right now. Let your spouse think you don't know how things work. The reason is that it is very easy to submit a forged form. If she does submit a forged divorce form, it will be a huge hassle for you. So best to take the initiative yourself and prevent it.

By the way, did your spouse sign the form he or she sent you? And he or she she fill in the place where it indicates who gets custody of the child? If your spouse did sign it but forgot to fill in that box, you could hit the jackpot by filling it in and sending it back yourself. (Guess I would personally bring it in, in this case.) So thought I would mention this just in case.

You can ask a Japanese lawyer to get a koseki. I got a lawyer to get the first one for me for a bit over 20,000 yen. But you need to tell him why. In this case, I think you have a good reason. (Another good reason is that you are going to file a lawsuit against her for something.) I can probably find this guy's name if you would like. But he did not speak English I dont think. This is pretty simple stuff though. You could find any lawyer on the UK or US embassy web site and send them an email. Its a quick couple man for them, and their secretary will do most of the work. Tell him you want to file a huzyurimouside against divorce and need your wife's koseki touhon. Ask a price etc before giving him info on who your wife is. And make sure he will fax a copy to you immediately, as well as send the original. You might ask him for two prices. Price to get the koseki only, and price to fill out the anti-divorce form and send it back to you with the correct address to send it to. The first time, that would save you some time. You might have to fax him proof of your marriage or something.

BTW, are you sure that your marriage is registered and that you are on the koseki??? If not, the lawyer may be able to handle that also, although actually, I'm not sure why she would get you to fill out a divorce form if it wasn't registered yet.

Question #3

I married a Japanese man while working in Tokyo in 199X. We have two children, who were both born in Japan. The four of us moved to the States in 200X. I left my husband in January of 200X. My sons and I have not seen him since July 200X. He calls our sons 2 to 3 times per year, but has no other contact and provides no financial support. I believe he is currently living in New York, although I hear he often makes trips to Japan. I have not been able to successfully contact him during the past 6 months (I tried by both phone and email). I have wanted a divorce for the past four years, but he does not want to give me one. I prefer the Japanese divorce since the state I’m currently living in is a ‘shared property’ state and I own a home and have a retirement plan, etc. Although he has other income from Japan, he hasn’t worked since about the time we separated. I don’t want anything from him, including child support , which realistically, I would never get this out of him anyway. Soon after we moved to the US, he went through our entire savings and basically kept any property of value we had. I just want to be completely finished with him. I’ve contacted the Japanese Embassy but they cannot help. I’m unable to get my son's U.S. passport renewed because I need his permission which he will not give. He told me some time ago that he will have to go back to Japan to get our divorce. Is there any way we can do it through the Japanese Embassy in the states? Do you have any suggestions? I will go to Japan if I need to.

Answer #3

First a question. Why won;t he sign for the passport?

You said "I have wanted a divorce since 200X. He does not want to give me one." Do you know why he won't give you a divorce?

The problem here is that if he will not give you a divorce, then, legally, you cannot get one in Japan either, at least the easy way, i.e. with a Divorce By Mutual Consent. That requires his signature. You can get a lot of information on divorce on this page:

http://www.crnjapan.com/divorce/en/

But then you said, "He told me some time ago that he will have to go back to Japan to get our divorce." So is he willing to sign a divorce by mutual consent (DBMC) form in Japan? You can do that without ever going to Japan, IF he is residing there. (I am not sure if him just being Japanese is enough or not if he is not residing there. This is something you should definitely check with a lawyer on or at least call a local court house in Japan.) I have never heard of a divorce going thru a Japanese embassy.

The problem with the DBMC form is that there is a place on it asking who gets custody of the kids. You do NOT want to give him custody in Japan, because that could set you up for him asserting custody in the US also, as well as kidnapping the kids and bringing them back to Japan. My gut feel is that a US court might uphold this custody determination and defer to a Japanese court, and then you would have lost your children for good. So the only way to do this is to go turn in the form yourself, and see that it gives YOU custody. (Keep a copy too.) I know one person outside of Japan who used a lawyer in Japan to help on this, but there were no kids. I personally would not trust it unless I turned it in myself.

Also, you run a risk that he will go to Japan and forge your signature and turn one in anyways.

http://www.crnjapan.com/japan_law/en/forged_signatures.html

To prevent this (if he has not already done it) you should probably submit an "anti-divorce" form, just in case, which you can find on this page:

http://www.crnjapan.com/forms/en/

Actually, I suggest that you get a copy of his koseki and see if he might have *already* done it. There is always the chance that he is already planning to abduct your daughter. (Sorry to be scary, but I must be a pessimist in the advice I give in these cases because once an abduction happens, your are out of luck.)

http://www.crnjapan.com/references/en/koseki.html

Another option, if he is unwilling, is to try to get a divorce based on abandonment. But sounds like he might not have actually abandoned you, at least by Japanese standards. I believe that takes 3 years of no contact. But you might want to try anyways. It also requires that you go to court in Japan.

The information on this website concerns a matter of public interest, and is provided for educational and informational purposes only in order to raise public awareness of issues concerning left-behind parents. Unless otherwise indicated, the writers and translators of this website are not lawyers nor professional translators, so be sure to confirm anything important with your own lawyer.
Last modified: September 01, 2007	Copyright © 2003-2006	Contact us
URL of this page is http://www.crnjapan.com//divorce/en/divorce_Japanese_returned_japan_with_children.html