Arnold T. Shienvold, Ph.D.
Source: http://www.aaml.org/Articles/2002-3/Custody%20Evaluation%20-%20Sheinvold.htm
John Smith v. Jane Smith
Referred By: Mutual consent of the parties
Referral Reason: To conduct a comprehensive custody evaluation and to make recommendations regarding the most appropriate custodial arrangements for Susan Elizabeth Smith, DOB 12/17/90 and Lisa Jane Smith, DOB 5/18/92
Individual Interviews: Jane Smith 11/16/01, 11/30/01, 12/7/01, 1/16/02
John Smith 10/30/01, 11/16/01, 11/29/01, 1/3/02
Susan Smith 12/6/01, 116/02
Lisa Smith 12/4/01, 12/6/01
Amy Smith 11/29/01
Psychological Testing: Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory-2 (MMPI-2)
*Jane Smith
*John Smith
*Amy Smith
Bricklin Perceptual Scale (BPS)
*Lisa Smith
*Susan Smith
Parent Report Card
*Lisa Smith
Home Visit: Each parent’s residence was evaluated for safety concerns and the family was observed interacting in the home environment
Additional Information: 1. Counseling notes on John and Jane Smith from Rhoda Jones, M.S., N.C.C.
2. Letter dated November 29, 2001 from Pastor Wilbur “Buck” Egbert regarding his counseling of John and Jane
3. 16-PF profiles provided by John and Amy Smith that were done as part of their relationship counseling report
4. Letter dated November 27, 2001 from Dr. David R. Aman to Arnold Shienvold regarding his counseling with John and Jane
5. Records from Hershey Valley Christian School on Lisa and Susan
6. Letters written by Jane to “Albert” in 1997 provided by John
7. A custody agreement offered by John in the past provided by Jane
The recommendations at the conclusion of this report are based on all of these sources of information.
Background:
Jane and John Smith separated in July, 1999. Since that time they have been using a parenting arrangement whereby Jane’s home serves as the children’s primary residence. John has partial custody of the children on alternating weekends from Friday after school until Monday morning. He also sees the children one evening per week, although that evening may vary according to schedules. There is no specific schedule change in the summers, other than John has the children for three weeks of vacation.
The schedule was originally acceptable to both parents. John is a family physician who practices obstetrics as part of his normal practice. At the time of the separation, his professional obligations made a delineated schedule with the children very difficult. John has subsequently re-married (to Amy) and has decided that he is dissatisfied with many aspects of the current parenting plan. Therefore, it was he who petitioned the Court for a modification in the custodial schedule. John reported that he wants “what is best for the children.” He believes that it is in their best interests to live primarily with him.
John expressed many reasons for the need to change the custody arrangement. He stated that he is concerned about “what I see and hear.” According to John, the children tell him that “mommy sleeps all the time and we watch videos.” He feels that he and Amy are more sociable than Jane and spend more time with other people. He does not like when Lisa wears a t-shirt that says, “I love boys.” John related that the girls will talk back to their mother because she does not set effective limits. It is John’s opinion that Jane tries to be the children’s friend rather than an authority figure. John does not like that Jane will “unload on me at transitions.
John reported that it is his belief that Jane uses the children as a major part of her emotional support system. He feels that Jane frequently tells the children she misses them and “tries to pull them into her emotional network.” He believes that puts considerably greater pressure on Lisa because she is a “pleaser,” and struggles to please her mother. As an example of that problem, John reported that when he and his family were on vacation Jane wanted to call the children nightly to sing them to sleep.
John reported that Jane will schedule activities for the children on his time. He is particularly upset about the amount of time that Lisa needs to spend at gymnastic practices and meets. John indicated that he questions Jane’s motivations for scheduling the children’s time in that way. He is uncertain if she is being disrespectful, thoughtless or vindictive. John blames the communication problems between him and Jane on Jane. John was also upset because Jane had not told him about medical appointments and would not allow the children to be in counseling.
John expressed additional concerns about Jane. He stated that she is “lazy,” indicating that she sleeps too much and has no job. He is upset that Jane does not belong to a church. John reported that Jane does not emphasize her own physical fitness, which John feels is important. John called Jane a social recluse. He also feels that she is “selfish” and plays “emotional games” by throwing the children into the middle of situations. Finally, John stated that Jane committed adultery which, somehow, makes her unfit as a parent.
On the other hand, John believes that he can present a more stable home environment for the children. John is remarried to Amy and has 3 step-children. He reported that he and Amy are very family oriented. They feel that they can present that type of value to the children. Additionally, John feels that Amy presents a more responsible model for the children with respect to her desire to have a job. John feels that he is more organized than Jane and does not overreact to situations. He believes that he is more capable of setting limits for the children. He considers himself a strong disciplinarian. He noted that he does not “spare the rod.”
Jane opposes a change in the current parenting plan. Jane reported that she was unsure what John was seeking with respect to a change in custody. However, she believes that the current schedule is working very well. Jane believes that the children’s time with their father is consistent with the amount of time he has available.
Jane feels that John’s primary reason for the custodial challenge is because he remains angry at her for the ending of the marriage. Jane feels that John’s “ego took a hit” and that he is now getting back at her. Interestingly, Jane stated that John probably believes that what he is doing is right. However, she sees him as being a “black and white” person who is also very competitive. In her opinion, John is attempting to replace her with Amy. She alleges that John has been unkind to her since the time of the separation. According to Jane, John once said to her, “I want you to drop off the face of the earth and let me have the kids to myself.”
Jane expressed other concerns about a change in the parenting arrangement. She noted that the children are uncomfortable with John’s approach to dressing them. He tends to put old, or out of fashion clothing on the children that they feel embarrassed to wear. Some of the clothing is hand-me-downs from Amy’s children. The children have complained to Jane about this problem and feel that the father is not sympathetic to their feelings. Jane is fearful that a change in the schedule will create organizational problems. Contrary to John’s complaints, she feels that she and the children have developed very good systems to insure that the children are prepared for school and activities.
Jane indicated that communication with John is very difficult. Jane feels that John will not communicate with her in a meaningful way. Furthermore, his tendency to have a “right or wrong” attitude makes it very difficult to reach compromises. Jane feels that John has “a lot on his plate,” such as, his job, step-children and his own children. It is Jane’s feeling that John has never made his family his first priority. She reported that John does not utilize all of the time that he has with the children. For example, when he has the children on Tuesday evenings he will go to play in a musical group. Furthermore, he continues to have Thursday as his day off in spite of the fact that he gets the children on Tuesdays. John has to take call for his practice when he has the children, but will not rearrange the weekends when that happens. She feels that John chooses time with his entire family over individual time with his children.
Jane noted that Amy’s children are considerably older than her children. Therefore, she feels that the girls are exposed to age inappropriate information. Jane admitted that John tries to be careful about that problem, but she feels it would increase if the girls spent more time at his home. Additionally, Jane is not comfortable that John’s 15 year old step-son sometimes babysits for the girls.
Jane reported that she is a good parent. In fact, according to Jane, John use to tell her what a good parent she was during the marriage. She reported that it is a testament to her parenting that the children are so well adjusted. Contrary to being a recluse, she ensures that the children are involved in activities. According to Jane, John complains constantly about having to take Lisa to her gymnastics. He frequently misses Lisa’s events. Jane also indicated that her “sleeping” is not a problem. The children miss no activities. Jane reported that she is a dean’s list student in college. Therefore, she argued that her napping habits do not affect her functioning.
History:
John and Jane met while they were both attending Columbia College. They dated for approximately two years and then married between their junior and senior year of college. The wedding occurred on August 17, 1985. Following graduation, they moved to Fredrick, Md. where John worked for the National Cancer Institute. John decided to go to medical school and was accepted to the Medical College of Pittsburg. Jane worked while John attended school. Jane became pregnant with Susan during that time. The pregnancy was not planned, but it was wanted. Susan was born during John’s last year of medical school.
Jane became pregnant with Lisa after John started his residency in Osia, Virginia. That started a very difficult time in the marriage. John was very busy with his residency. He felt that he was trying to help at home, but Jane felt overwhelmed by having two children at home in diapers. By the time the residency was over, Jane and John had been in marital counseling twice. According to Jane, John was happy doing what he wanted to do. Jane was hoping there would be a “light at the end of the tunnel” after the residency was over.
John finished his residency in 1994 and the family moved to Hershey. Jane was a stay-at-home mom. Jane remained dissatisfied with the relationship with John. On the other hand, John felt that he was doing whatever he could to improve the relationship by trying to be at home more often. The couple finally entered marital counseling in 1997. It was during that counseling that Jane admitted that she had been involved in an extra-marital relationship with Alfred, a mutual friend since college. The marital relationship never recovered. They continued in marital therapy and attempted to reconcile the problems. John fought a significant depression and separated briefly. He moved back in, but there was still no success. Ultimately, they separated in July, 1999. The divorce was finalized one year later.
Susan Smith
Susan Smith is an 11 year old girl who is currently in the 5th grade at Hershey Valley Christian School. She is described by her mother as a “typical first child, aggressive and a leader.” John stated that she was a lot like him, “out-going and talkative.” Additionally, she is described as sensitive, aware, personable and domineering. Susan is “very intelligent” and “athletic.” She is a child who is independent and capable of taking care of herself.
John and Jane indicated that Susan loves school. Because Susan goes to a relatively small school there are some social problems. However, Susan is generally popular and has a good group of friends. Susan experienced some school problems shortly after John’s marriage and move. Additionally, Susan had stopped ice skating around the same time. Jane talked to her teachers and explained the multiple stressors in her life. Jane stated that she told John about her meeting. According to Jane, it was not uncommon for John to miss the children’s school conferences. Jane also reported that Susan has approached her about going to public school in the future.
Susan is physically healthy. Her appetite is good and she experiences no sleep difficulties. She has a history of headaches which have been evaluated by physicians. The headaches are apparently stress related. Whereas Jane views the headaches as an indicator that Susan is stressed, John sees the headaches as an example of how Susan models her mother’s somatization.
Susan presented at her interviews as a pleasant, talkative young girl who separated without difficulty from each of her parents. She stated that she was at the interview to “talk about mom and dad’s divorce.” She admitted that she really does not like to talk about that “stuff.”
Susan related that her parents use to argue a great deal. There was a lot of yelling, but no physical violence. After her father initially moved out, Susan was very sad. She stated that she is finally “getting used to it.” Both parents were typically at home in the morning, but her mother was always there in the evenings. Her father’s availability depended on his schedule. Susan stated that it is “annoying to have parents in different places.”
Susan indicated that she spends most of her time with her mother. She stated that spending weekends with her dad is “cool,” but it is also “cool” to spend the weekend with her mother. She is aware that her father wants her to spend more time with him. Susan indicated that she would not mind spending more time with her father, especially in the summer. She feels that seven days is too long to go spend away from either parent.
Susan stated that her mother frequently helps her with homework. According to Susan, her mother does not spend a lot of time doing homework while she is there. Susan does not like that her father does not want to take her to her activities. Susan reported that her father does not like the fact that Lisa has to go to gymnastics on her Saturdays. Her father also doesn’t want Susan to sleep at her friend’s houses on weekends that she is with him. She reported that her mother does not mind taking her to her activities. Susan feels that she can talk to her mother about “anything,” but especially “girl things.” She can also talk to her father. The major difference is that her father tries to solve problems by offering his “opinion.” Her mother is more apt to be “open to my ideas.”
Susan completed the BPS. That instrument is used to view children’s perceptions of their parent’s relative competence in caring for them. Susan’s scored her mother as higher on 17 items, her father higher on 13 items and they were tied on two items. The total scores between the two parents were very close. Susan seems to perceive her parents as relatively equal in their care of her. However, her responses show that she perceives her mother as being able to provide her with more support than her father.
Lisa Smith
Lisa is a 9 year old girl who is in the 4th grade at the Hershey Valley Christian School. Lisa is described by her parents as easy going, pleasant and loving. Her father sees her as very happy and a “people pleaser.” Lisa can be very out-spoken with her feelings, but she is generally less assertive than her sister. Lisa is very athletic and has particular strength in gymnastics. Lisa has a large number of friends, but tends to be more of a follower than a leader. Lisa is very intelligent. She generally gets A’s in all of her subjects and she presents no behavior problems at school. John feels that Lisa is too concerned about her mother’s well-being. She is physically healthy, and like her sister, experiences no sleep problems or eating disorders.
Lisa presented as a cute, friendly little girl who separated from each of her parents without difficulty. She indicated that the reason she was being interviewed was “to discuss problems they’re having with the divorce.” When asked what kind of problems, Lisa responded, “Sometimes dad doesn’t make too much sense, but mom is usually pretty nice.”
Lisa’s interview and testing shows that she has a greater attachment to her mother than her father. Lisa reported that when she is at her father’s home she misses her mom. She will tell her father and he asks what he can do to help. However, sometimes he accuses her of having “an attitude.” Lisa reported that there are times she and Susan try to call her father and he is either not there, or not picking-up the phone. She resents that he then accuses them of not calling. Lisa indicated that there are times that her father will not take her to her gymnastic classes or does not go to her meets. She knows that her father loves her and is proud of her, but wishes that he would attend these events. His excuse is that the entire family needs to be considered.
Lisa knows that her mother and father do not get along very well. She reported that they try to “fix it,” but it doesn’t seem to work. She is aware that her father wants to spend more time with them. However, Lisa notes that “me and mom miss each other for long visits.” She reported that she frequently cries at night because she misses her mother. Lisa reported that she was not allowed to call her mother after 7:00 p.m. and she just had to stay sad.
Lisa admitted that her mother is frequently “tired” and will occasionally take a nap. When her mother is napping she is to play in her room quietly. When she is at her father’s, he is not initially home because she goes directly from school. They are expected to do their homework at their dad’s house. Lisa does not like taking the bus directly to her father’s house. She would prefer to be able to see her mother before a visit from school begins. Finally, Lisa does not like the clothes that her father will dress her in for school. She finds them to be old and ill-styled. She is not allowed to complain about the clothing because her dad states, “God provided them for you.”
Lisa completed the Bricklin Perceptual Scale. Her scores are consistent with her verbal report. Lisa scored 23 items in her mother’s direction, 9 in her father’s direction and there were no ties. The results indicated that Lisa perceives her mother as better meeting her needs in all of the categories tested including, competency, supportiveness, follow-up consistency and admirable character traits. These results are consistent with her Parent Report Cards in which she gave her mother consistently higher grades in areas of child care than either her father or Amy.
John Smith:
John is a 37 year old family physician who has his practice in Hershey, PA. John includes obstetrics in his practice, therefore his schedule is a little unpredictable. However, he indicated that when he is not on-call, or involved in a delivery, he is generally home by dinner time each evening. John lives with his wife Amy and her three children, Conner, age 16, Catlin, age 14, and Hannah, age 12.
John was born in Baltimore, Maryland and lived there for the majority of his life. He has an older brother and younger sister. John’s father is a Pastor and his mother is a music teacher. John reported that his family is very close and supportive. Obviously, faith and religion were a big part of his life growing-up. He admitted that sometimes being at church for long hours and having people around all of the time were the downside to being a “P-K.” John indicated that he was always a good student and very interested in music. Playing music and singing remain his favorite leisure time activities.
John presented as a friendly, out-going young man. He maintained good eye-contact throughout the interviews and demonstrated excellent social skills. John was assertive in his presentation of perceptions of the problems. He attempted to present his side of the story in a clear, rational manner. He demonstrated a serious mood during the evaluation. However, he also had a normal range of affectual expression. As John related his concerns about Jane’s parenting, it was obvious that he has not resolved all of his anger from that time. He used very negative, judgmental terms, such as lazy and adulteress, while discussing her.
John denied any symptoms of anxiety of depression at this time. He admitted to a significant depressive episode following the marital conflict which required intervention with anti-depressants. He no longer takes any medication for his mood. John stated that he rarely drinks alcohol and has never smoked cigarettes. John also denied the use of any drugs. He has never been arrested, nor has John ever had his medical license suspended or revoked.
John completed the MMPI-2. His results are valid and are consistent with an individual who is trying to present themselves in an overly favorable light. These individuals tend to deny many things, including common human frailties. Men with this profile are highly effective in their every day lives, but they tend to lack insight and awareness into their functioning. This was particularly true with respect to John’s unconscious feelings of hostility towards Jane. Men with this profile disavow feelings of hostility, bu they tend to be expressed either indirectly or in an occasional angry outburst. Often times these men have very moralistic believes. Stress will often lead to psychosomatic complaints.
John’s style of parenting is to be very family focused. He tends to be somewhat rigid in his approach and expects children to respect him as an adult. His style is authoritarian. On the other hand, he perceives himself as trying to be a good listener with the children and attempts to discuss problems with them. The children tended to describe these talks as “lectures.” John enjoys his involvement, and stresses education and faith in the children’s lives. There does not to appear to be overt attempts to alienate the children from their mother.
Jane Smith:
Jane is a 37 year old woman who currently resides with the children in a rural area just outside of Hershey. Jane was a homemaker for most of the marriage. At this point in time she has returned to graduate school and is obtaining her degree in computer science. Jane is doing well in school and attempts to schedule her classes at the same time that the children are in school. She has generally been present when the children leave for school in the morning and when they return after school.
Jane is one of 5 children. She was born in New Jersey and lived there until she was 11 years old when her family re-located to Utah. Her father was in the army and then worked for Bell Laboratories in Utah. Jane attended a private, Christian high school in Illinois. Religion and faith were also very important in her family. She felt that her parents were very loving, supportive individuals who modeled excellent values such as honesty, integrity and loyalty.
Jane presented as a friendly, somewhat quiet woman who was always well groomed and well dressed for her appointments. She arrived for all of her appointments on time and did not appear to be particularly tired while she was being interviewed. Jane’s attention and concentration were good. She maintained good eye-contact throughout her sessions. Her social skills were also good.
Jane appeared to be neither depressed nor anxious during the interview process. She spoke with self-assuredness regarding her parenting ability. Jane admitted to some confusion regarding John’s desires with respect to custody. She demonstrated an appropriate range of affect, but did not demonstrate that anger towards John that he demonstrated towards her. Jane denied problems with her energy levels. However, she admitted that she kept a rigorous schedule and was more of a night person than a morning person. Her thinking was clear and goal directed.
Jane completed the MMPI-2. Her profile is valid and all of her scales fall within the normal range. Individuals with this profile have taken a frank approach to answering questions regarding their lives. They show a willingness to admit to minor faults and shortcomings. There is some defensiveness, but it is consistent with the nature of this evaluation. These individuals are effective in their day to day lives and show a balanced range of the expression of emotions. Problems are likely to be situational in nature. Some of Jane’s answer denote a self perception of being virtuous and moral.
Jane’s parenting style appears to be more relaxed and less authoritarian than John’s. Jane perceives the importance of discipline and setting limits, but she is likely to be more flexible in the application of limits than is John. Jane also believes in the importance of family time, but stresses the importance of individual achievement, such as Lisa’s gymnastics. Both children see their mother as “sacrificing” for them. However, it is clear that Lisa’s gymnastic interests were selected to continue over Susan’s ice-skating. Susan is now beginning horse back riding as an activity. Jane also feels that spiritual growth and development are important. Although of the same faith, she and John do not interpret their religious teachings in the same way. That has been a source of problems for them.
Amy Smith:
Amy is a 40 year old woman who is divorced. She has the primary physical custody of her three children. Amy is employed as a physical therapist. She is a part owner of her own practice in Hershey. She works approximately 35 to 40 hours per week, but makes sure that she is available when the children are at home from school. She feels that her marriage to John is very good. According to Amy, she and John share a common value system. They worked together to insure their compatibility.
Amy grew-up on a farm in Logan, Maryland. She is one of four children. She described herself as being closer to her mother than her father. Although her parents are together, they have had difficulties in their marriage. Amy reported that she remains close to her siblings with whom she keeps in contact.
Amy presented as a friendly, talkative woman who tried to be understanding of the entire situation. She was very supportive of John’s position. Amy denied any symptoms of psychopathology. She denied feeling depressed or anxious. She is a bright woman who displayed rational thinking. Amy admitted that she had gone through a period of depression during her marital conflict. However, she felt that she had moved beyond that time and was comfortable psychologically. Amy drinks alcohol only on rare occasions. She does not smoke or use drugs.
Amy completed the MMPI-2. Her profile suggests that she took a relatively balanced approach to answering questions. She was mildly defensive in some of her responses, but generally answered questions in a frank manner. He clinical scales were all within normal limits. Women with this profile tend to be somewhat rigid and moralistic. They have also been described as being stubborn and over-sensitive. These women try to maintain a positive attitude and are effective in their everyday lives. They tend to blame others for their problems and lack some insight into their own motivation.
Recommendations:
Susan and Lisa Smith are fortunate to have two parents who love them very much and want what is best for them. Neither parent exhibits any significant psychopathology. The current evaluation, and the reports of previous therapist confirm that both individuals are psychologically capable of caring for the children. The problems they experienced were primarily relationship based, although their personality structures contributed to their inability to reconcile their marriage.
John has suggested that Jane may be depressed, which is why he perceives her as being lethargic and ignoring some of the children’s needs. That hypothesis was not confirmed by this evaluation. It is believed that Jane has experienced a considerable amount of stress over the last several years. However, she is attempting to re-direct her life and start a new career at the same time that she continues as a single parent. There may be times that she is tired and not as responsive to the children as she might be. However, that behavior does not appear to be having a significantly negative effect on the children.
Both children, but most especially Lisa, strongly defend their mother’s behavior and her willingness to “sacrifice” for them. Such support is indicative of the strong bond that the children have with their mother. The attachment is most probably a function of the fact that Jane has been the children’s primary care giver since their birth. John has been an interested and involved father, but the reality of his profession and time commitments have limited his time with the children compared to Jane. As a function of that early bonding, the children are less strongly attached to him. John interprets the attachment as indicative of an unhealthy emotional relationship between Jane and the children. To some extent, Lisa and Jane may be enmeshed. However, it is not believed that the enmeshment is of such a proportion as to be unhealthy. Jane’s emotional needs are not dependent on Lisa. However, since the divorce, the children have played a more important role in Jane’s emotional life. Such a finding is not uncommon. Jane needs to make sure that she continues to reinforce the independence of the children. Such an approach is consistent with her overall parenting style.
John appears to be a good, caring father. As noted above, his parenting philosophy differs somewhat from Jane’s. Neither philosophy can be described as either “right” or “wrong.” They are simply different. However, the testing and interviewing of the girls suggests that they are somewhat more comfortable with their mother’s style. They perceive their mother as being more understanding of their needs and somewhat more approachable when discussing some problem areas in their lives. They do not perceive their father as being as understanding, especially with regard to their concerns about peer pressure. John’s approach of being more opinion oriented and intervening does not appear to be as consistent with his daughter’s needs, at this time.
Another concern raised by this evaluation is the remaining anger that John has over Jane’s indiscretions during the marriage. Whether John recognizes it or not, his anger is definitely present and affects his overall evaluation of the Jane’s parenting. John may have very justifiable anger towards Jane as a result of her behavior during the marriage. However, his tendency to continue to see her as immoral and lazy has generalized to her ability to parent. Such a generalization does not appear to be justified by this evaluation. Jane has worked hard to maintain the children in activities, help them with homework, care for them while sick, provide for their material needs and maintain a school schedule so that she may gain a career. Such a description is not consistent with laziness. Furthermore, she attempts to present values to the children that are very consistent with the values that John attempts to show the children. They have both chosen to maintain a Christian education for their children and support a strong spiritual upbringing in the home.
The co-parenting of John and Jane has been effective. They have raised delightful, spirited, talented, intellectually gifted children. The children are neither clinically depressed nor anxious. Lisa and Susan experience some of the stress of having two homes, and some of the other consequences of divorce. The fact that Susan could not continue ice-skating for financial reasons had a negative effect on her. She also experiences what appears to be stress related headaches. Lisa struggles with her father’s feelings about her gymnastics and the contrast between the households. Furthermore, her close bond with her mother leads to greater separation anxiety during custody periods with her father than Susan experiences. They are both affected by the tension that continues to exist between their parents.
Jane does not appear to have the degree of anger at John that John has with her. Nonetheless, she has anger that interferes with her relationship with John. There are times that she has not shared information about the children with John. Her tendency is to avoid him, and the possibility of unpleasant interactions rather than maintain communication and discover healthier ways to resolve differences over the children. Jane also needs to recognize that Amy is a valuable asset for the children. Both children like Amy and are developing a good relationship with her. Amy and John must recognize that blending families is a difficult task. Although they are desperately trying to create a single unit, John needs to try to create some individual time for each of his daughters. They miss the individual attention that they would get from him in the past.
Given all of these factors, it is recommended that the current parenting arrangement remain in effect with only a few changes. It is in the children’s best interests to remain in the primary physical custody of their mother. John should have periods of partial custody alternating weekends from Friday after school until Monday morning. He should also have the children one night per week for an overnight visit. However, every effort should be made to insure that the children attend their activities during the custodial periods of each parent. It is recommended that all school recess times be shared equally between the parents. The summer schedule should be modified to a shared schedule only after Jane has begun full-time employment. However, once that has begun, the summers should be divided equally between the households. Neither girl likes being away from a parent for 7 days. Therefore, a week on/week off schedule may not be best.
It is recommended that Jane and John work with a mediator to improve their communication level and to learn more effective joint problem solving to deal with the children’s issues. It would certainly be to the children’s benefit if these parents could develop more trust and a better working relationship so that flexibility could be employed in the custodial schedule. For example, if Jane had an evening class, John could provide care for the children while she was at school. Lisa and Susan might be able to benefit from counseling that was focused on dealing more effectively with stress. It is unknown if their school offers a group for children of divorce, such as the “banana splits groups” that are offered in public schools. If such a group is available, that would provide a safe environment for the girls to express their natural concerns about the divorce of their parents.
Arnold T. Shienvold, Ph.D.