She kept asking me to buy life insurance...

Documented: May 31, 2007

I am an Asian American from California. I met this Japanese girl through internet language exchange. I came to Japan on business and had a chance to meet and date this girl. With good feelings, I came to Japan on several occasions to meet her. She spoke basic English, classy and had expensive tastes. I paid all dating fees while in Japan. She was easy on sex and heavy on wine. That should have raised a red flag. Anyhow, she never spent her money easily. We went several trips in different parts of Japan and enjoyed time together. I cannot speak Japanese and hence I relied on her totally for conversation with her parents or Japanese people. Finally, after 5 months dating, I proposed to her. She accepted it. Her parents agreed but made no financial contributions. She also did not contribute any for the wedding. After tying the knot, we planned to return to USA.

While in the USA, she started to change drastically. She started to demand this and that. She was highly wasteful and spent money without much consideration (because it was not her money). She did not care much about me. She kept asking me to buy life insurance, and also to pay her pension in Japan. I was wondering why she insisted on buying more life insurance and I thought thought this might be a dangerous incentive.

Then, later she said she wanted children. I declined and said that we were too recent in our marriage and had yet to settle down. Gradually, I started to feel like she was playing a mind game on me. She was thinking of how she could get the best out of me. I later found out that she kept her ex-job in Japan and had secret correspondences with ex-boss about the possibility of returning to her job some day. I was shocked by her insincerity. When confronted, she said she did not like America and wanted to return to Japan. She wanted me to follow her, so I gave up USA and tried to find job in Japan. As a foreigner who could not speak Japanese, it was almost impossible to find a decent job. I was put into turmoil. She asked me to apply for jobs but later did not help me to go to interview places, putting me into great embarrassment. She then applied to an unemployment agency for money and kept all that money to herself so that I had to spend my savings for our living!

So, finally, I realized what kind of person she is. She lied to her parents about our condition. In Japan, she still wanted me to pay for expensive apartment rentals. All in all, I lost more than $20,000 on this girl. I finally could not take it any longer. I suggested divorce to her. When I asked her to share some of my bills, she destroyed my receipts. When I asked her for a non-compensation divorce, she refused and tried many tricks on me. This added great stress to me.

This girl has the habit of asking me to book this and that (like hotels, flights, trips) and then cancel or ending up I lost money for nothing. She did not feel any responsibility on money. It was clear that if I had children with her or had pay for her life insurance in full, I would have lost even more. She is a money digger! She had enjoyed 3 months fully paid holiday to USA. She cooked up all these plans to get more money out of me. So, my love and sincerity went down the drain. So, my advice is if a girl is very tight on her money, be careful!!  Here are some suggestions:

• Best way is to stay as boyfriend and girlfriend for a long long time so that full understanding and observation can be achieved.
• Certainly DO NOT have children quickly. Give it 2 years to settle down before having children.
• DO NOT apply green card for her. Observe her first for first few years.

If you do not speak Japanese, be even more careful. You cannot totally rely on your wife or girlfriend for accurate sincere translation. This language barrier actually opens the door for mischief. Do a background check on the girl if possible. Finally, DO NOT buy life insurances for your girlfriend or wife. It is very dangerous and quick way for her to get money. In the worse case, she could poison you while she cooked your meals. DO NOT buy property or you may loose half of it. In short, do not let her suck away all your assets and destroy you completely. A Japanese girl can be that ruthless. Let go and cut loose while you can. I did.

In the end, I came back to the US.  Her lawyer contacted me and said she wanted a kyogi rikon divorce.  I called several places

• Japan Legal Assistance Association (Tokyo Branch) 03-3580-2851
• Shinjuku Multicultural Plaza Help Line 03-5291-5171
• Tokyo Metropolitan Consultations for Foreign Residents 03-5320-7744
• Shinjuku Legal Assistance Center 03-5381-2851

They all confirmed that signing the "green form" did not imply I have to pay her anything under the Japan system. Also, only if there are jointly owned assists will be shared. Else, individual assists including savings will be fine. If have children, far more complex.

It took several stressful months, but finally it is over.  The only good thing I have to say about marriage to a Japanese is that signing the divorce paper was simple.